The 'could've been' gallery

It could've been spent on employees with hungry children at home, or strippers and blow, or tools, or personal protective equipment. This gallery showcases the many possibilities that $5,000 could have brought, instead of Michael's website.

Feeding hungry families

Imagine the smiles. The relief. The nourishment that $5,000 could have provided for the families of hard-working employees. A small investment in their well-being would have gone a long way, demonstrating true care and appreciation. I mean fuck these employees don't know how to pull out. 

Investing in essential tools and safety

From precision saws to robust drills, and crucial personal protective equipment like safety glasses and sturdy gloves, $5,000 could have significantly upgraded our workshop. Better tools mean better work, and better safety means a healthier team.

Strippers

Five thousand dollars at a strip club isn’t just money — it’s a government‑toppling level of chaos. That’s the kind of cash that would have the DJ suddenly announcing your name like you’re the surprise headliner, the lights flickering like the power grid can’t handle your financial decisions, and three dancers forming a temporary LLC called “Carpenter Industries” because you’ve become their entire economic stimulus package. With that much money, you’re not a customer anymore — you’re a myth, a legend, a cautionary tale whispered to new employees during orientation. The “benefits” would include VIP treatment you didn’t earn, a level of confidence you absolutely shouldn’t have, and the lifelong honor of being known as “that dude who broke the ATM and the manager’s spirit in one night.”

Cocaine

Five thousand dollars is the kind of money that could’ve bought you enough cocaine to make you believe you were the long‑lost third Hemsworth brother, the CEO of three different startups, and the spiritual leader of a cult that worships Bluetooth connectivity. We’re talking the kind of stash that would have you reorganizing your entire house at 3 a.m., alphabetizing your socks, and explaining to your dog why you are the chosen one. The benefits would’ve included superhuman confidence, the ability to talk nonstop for six hours about absolutely nothing, and the sudden belief that you could definitely win a fistfight with a tornado. Truly, a missed opportunity for chaos.

The stark reality: a $5,000 website

After seeing what could have been, the message is clear: what a waste of money. Michael's $5,000 website stands as a monument to missed opportunities and questionable priorities. We hope you feel the same way.